The Good Fight
A friend recently posted a news article at which I couldn’t help but laugh. The headline read, “Suspected bank robber says he’d rather be in jail than at home with his wife.”
The story explains:
"‘He snapped; they had an argument,’ [his neighbor] Angelica Solis said. … Police say Larry walked from his house for a few blocks to Brotherhood Bank. They say Larry gave the teller a note demanding cash and warning he had a gun. He took nearly $3,000, sat down in the bank's lobby and told a security guard he was the man police would be looking for.
"‘It was a bad day for him. It was a bad day, he snapped and made a dumb choice,’ Solis said.”
#understatementoftheyear
Now just to be clear, I do not condone felony behavior – nor do I take marital discord lightly. But as I noted in a comment on my friend’s post, I’m pretty sure I’ve nearly driven Robert to this point of “dumb choice” countless times in our 15 years of marriage.
I have friends who have told me they “rarely” get in arguments with their spouses. To that, I must say a) “Well, isn’t that special” and b) I simply can’t relate.
Robert and I are two very passionate and competitive people, with polar opposite personality traits. We tend to disagree every now and then.
But at least our most heated debates are over crucial life issues. Like who changes the toilet paper roll more often. (Me, of course. Why is this even a question?!). Or whether or not it’s an acceptable strategy to block every single one of your spouse’s train routes on Ticket to Ride. (It’s not. It’s absolutely not.).
My point is, arguments happen – sometimes over important things, and sometimes not so much. And you know what, I’m still madly in love with my sparring partner. What’s more, Robert has yet to resort to any jail-able offenses post-squabble.
It’s true we disagree on many things, but it’s the things on which we agree that keep us together.
We agree…
- Jesus is Lord, and we want to honor him with our lives and marriage.
- Our oath at the altar – for better or worse, for rich or for poorer, through sickness and in health – was for a lifetime.
- We are better together than we are apart.
- Love is a choice, not just an emotion.
And because of this, we agree to abide by certain unspoken rules:
- Our arguments stay between us. We honor each other in our conversations with friends, and in the way we talk about each other to our kids.
- We avoid low blows, never using each other’s vulnerabilities as arsenal.
- We forgive, and we move on.
We won’t always feel the flutter of infatuation (though the butterflies are still alive and well 15 years in!), but we can strive for a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.
In every disagreement…
We can choose to be patient and kind.
We can choose to not envy, boast or be proud.
We can choose to not be self-seeking, easily angered, or record keeping.
We can choose to rejoice with the truth.
We can choose to trust, choose to hope, choose to persevere.
It’s not easy; we fall short more often then not. But we’re in this together. We believe marriage is worth fighting for.
And so far, that’s kept us from robbing any banks.
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Want more on this topic? Check out a related blog I wrote for Lead Like Jesus: “Destined or Doomed – The Heart of the Marriage Matter.”