I’m Training My Replacement
I’m training my own replacement. Can I just admit something out loud about that?
It’s weird. Very weird.
For those new to the chat, I’m making a career transition, gradually working myself out of a job at Barnabas Foundation to pursue what I believe God is asking me to do. It was entirely my decision, one fully supported by my boss. We’re on good terms – great terms, in fact!
It’s hard not to get all up in my feelings when I’m increasingly left out of conversations and decisions that used to be mine to lead.
It’s a funny and incredible thing working for an employer who believes, as I do, that God loves us and only wants what’s best for us. Surrendering to His good and perfect will is the only path toward living a full life as He intended.
Still, it’s super weird spilling all my trade secrets to Angie, the woman they hired to take my place.
It’s not because Angie’s not lovely. In fact, Angie is amazing! She’s talented, funny, kind, and smart. She has all the right experience and temperament to thrive as Barnabas Foundation’s new director of marketing. If the decision were up to me, I’d have hired her, too!
It’s just, you know… a little odd living in the in-between.
It’s hard not to get all up in my feelings when I’m increasingly left out of conversations and decisions that used to be mine to lead.
There’s an ever-present ache in my belly, the toxic combination of FOMO, paranoia, and fear of the unknown.
And there’s an ongoing battle against my human nature: rooting for someone else’s success while secretly worrying she’ll be too successful, that they’ll like her more than me.
I resonate with the Apostle Paul’s inner struggle, as described in Romans 7:24. “Oh what a wretched (wo)man I am!”
More than anything, there are the doubts that creep in far more often than I care to admit.
What have I done?
Did I make a mistake?
Did God really say that?
Am I completely out of my mind?
Am I doing the right thing?
In other words, it’s just more of the same of what my faith walk has always been: uncertain, uncomfortable, and completely dependent on God.
Can We Get Real?
I’m not gonna lie; I dreaded going to work this Monday. I pondered calling off. The anxiety of meeting and interacting with the person moving into my cushy old office was almost more than I could take.
And then the most amazing thing happened.
I liked her… a lot. In Angie, I found a kindred spirit who was dealing with her own struggles, not just with the transition but in life in general.
We spent most of Tuesday together, during pre-scheduled training hours intended to transfer knowledge from one director to another. Long before we broached anything related to systems and processes, however, we shared much bigger truths from our hearts.
“Can we just be real about how hard this is?” Angie asked with the utmost sincerity.
“YES!” I answered emphatically, already reaching for a tissue.
In that moment, the tension broke. We stopped being “the old director” and “the new director.” We were just two imperfect women trying to follow God faithfully through uncomfortable transitions.
Make Every Effort
On Thursday, I led our weekly marketing team meeting for the final time before handing over the reins to someone who is more than qualified to lead them from this point forward.
We always start our meetings with a short devotional thought and prayer, and this time I shared a passage God had brought to my mind that morning. It reads, in part:
“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
“…speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”
(Ephesians 4: 1-3, 15b-16)
Worthy of the Calling
Maybe this is what I need to be reminded of the most this week.
Living a life “worthy of the calling” is trusting that God’s kingdom is bigger than my ego, fears, or need to feel indispensable.
It’s not clinging tightly to my role, influence or importance.
It’s not treating others’ gifts as threats to my identity.
It’s not keeping my struggles bottled up and pretending I’ve got it all together.
It’s not grasping onto ownership of work that ultimately belongs to God anyway.
It IS, however, leaning into the gifts of the Holy Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Without them, I’m anxious and wretched beyond belief.
Maybe, more than anything else this week, I needed to be reminded of one of the most beautiful things about the body of Christ.
When one person’s assignment ends, another begins — and Jesus remains the head of it all.
So yes, training my replacement still feels strange, but it also feels holy.
And somehow, for today, that’s enough.